Things We Hear

Hubs and I are members of a local China adoption support group. We have met some great people through this organization and look forward to seeing them every month. When we get together, we sometimes talk about the inappropriate comments and advice we get from others who are not adopting and don't have a working knowledge of international adoption. Although these comments are made with good intentions and a sincere desire to help, they can sometimes be annoying to the adopting parents. Here are some examples we have encountered since we started our journey to Gigi.
1. Hubs and I were at a friend's party earlier this year when one of the guests there found out that we were adopting. She happily congratulated us and proceeded to ask what was physically wrong with us that kept us from conceiving a baby on our own.
2. A close friend of hubs jokingly called the baby every conceivable stereotypical Chinese name for a long period of time when we told him that we were adopting. This continued even after we informed him that the baby would be named Gigi.
3. A co-worker and I were chatting on the phone yesterday. The topic of how quickly children grow came up. I commented on how I would be starting parenthood in my forties and my co-worker light-heartedly said, "You should have bought your baby sooner." Then she added, "But that's o.k."
4. When we told a close family member that we had decided to adopt from China, her initial response was, "Oh, but why?'' "I always wanted my granddaughter to have blue Chinese eyes." "Have you guys considered adopting a Brazilian baby?"
5. A friend asked me if I got to choose the baby that I wanted from China. When I told her no, she earnestly asked, "But what if the baby you get is ugly?"
6. Another friend, rubbing his thumb, index and middle fingers together, the universal gesture for money, asked if we were spending big bucks on the adoption.
7. And then we get the countless advice of making sure that the baby that we are matched with doesn't have any diseases like HIV, hepatitis, mental retardation, etc. This litany of advice continues even after we assure them that the CCAA and our adoption agency work very hard to inform parents of a baby's medical condition. Sometimes, it's almost like some of our family members, friends and co-workers insist on treating us like we are foolishly diving into an empty pool head first.
8. Lastly, we always get the doom-n-gloom adoption stories from people we know and people we don't know very well. It usually starts out like this. "I knew a couple who adopted and they got a baby with blah, blah, blah condition."

The Exception
The three people who steadfastly understand our journey to Gigi are my sis, B-I-L and our friend, Jessica. B-I-L once wrote to me that if every parent adopted a child, the world would be a better place. Our good friend, Jessica, has been nothing but upbeat and positive about our adoption journey. She has already put dibs on the "auntie" that most spoils Gigi. I want to thank them for having faith in us, the adoption process and understanding our leap of faith. The road to Gigi is an act of love, a desire to start a family and a giant leap of faith for us.

Our Humble Proclaimation
To our family and friends who understand the complexity of international adoption and our journey to Gigi, thank you for your continued support. We find much comfort in that.