Several months ago, Munch and I were shopping in our local warehouse market when a senior African-American woman pushed her cart slowly past us in the dairy aisle. I was diligently searching for nonfat Greek style yogurt and didn't realize that Munch had been eyeing the elderly shopper. Munch tapped my hand as I was pushing her in the shopping cart and loudly proclaimed that she didn't like brown people. If a 44 year old haggard mom could soil her pants, that would have been the moment to do it. I was mor-ti-fied. My head involuntarily turns to look at the elderly lady who, I imagine, very graciously pretended not to have heard my daughter's innocent but very insensitive comment. For the next few minutes, my daughter and I engage in a frantic dialogue about the right and wrong way to like or dislike somebody. Fast forward to yesterday. The ugly comment rears its head again. This time Munch is watching a Disney program which happens to feature a young African-American actress. Mortified again and mystified also, I reiterate to her what we had discussed before. Why would my child say such a hateful thing? She certainly didn't learn that from Hubs or me. Where is it coming from? Then it dawns on me that this may have a school origin. Upon further probing, Munch shares with me that a very naughty male classmate once teased her about how brown her skin was. My heart broke into a million pieces. Sure, I've been on the receiving end of racist, insensitive remarks almost all of my life. But was I ready for my four year old daughter to possibly have to endure such negative behavior from others? Apparently not. And so I mentally pull myself together. What do I say (other than you should punch that boy in the nose when the teacher is not looking)? What expression should I have on my face?
So J said you have brown skin, huh? So what did you tell him when he said that to you?
I say he hurt my feelings and he not nice!
That's good! You told him how his comments made you feel. What did he say after that?
He not say anything. He look at me and he run around. He run away.
Well, he must have gotten the hint! You know, I notice that you have several brown friends like M. Do you like M?
Yes, her very nice. Her play with me at my house.
Must be pretty cool to have brown skin and to have brown friends, don't you think?
Yes, Mommy.
Besides, maybe J was just jealous of the super tan that you have from swimming so much.
He very jealous, Mommy!
Mighty Munch
5 comments:
I hope that Madi is "M" in this story! And if not, please let Gigi know that she has another beautiful brown friend in her club!!! We only wish we had that skin!!!
Sorry, Gi, so young and already you have to experience this!
Funny. I never thought of Gigi as dark-skinned, even when tanned. Ami is the opposite, when I tell her she is getting too dark and she needs to put sun tan lotion she says 'I like being dark'
Really impressed how Gigi handled it with the boy though. It's what I always tell Ami to say when someone says something hurtful but I don't know that she has ever said it.
I love you Gi and your beautiful brown skin..... you are beautiful inside and out... you have beautiful skin just like your mum and how cool is she... don't let these words hurt you... sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me... never forget that and never forget something else... never judge a book by it's cover... doesn't matter what colour skin a person has... they maybe the nicest person in the world... as for that boy at your school... I don't want you to hit him... I will do it for you and punch him in the nose ;) Love you darlin'... you are as pretty as a princess... no, as pretty as Tinkerbell and she is super pretty :)
I like your idea of punching the boy in the nose when the teacher isn't looking!!! I think that Gigi's skin color is gorgeous so I don't know what to say to comfort her, except to reiterate that she is perfect just the way that she is. I tell the girls that there are mean people out there who say mean things and that you have to ignore these mean people and associate with people who are nice... then punch them in the nose when no-one is looking!!!
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