O.k., I'm driving home from work thinking of the glorious roasted chicken dinner I was going to prepare for hubs tonight. After taking one bite, hubs would heap praises on me and wonder in amazment how he ever lived without me. Then he would enthusiastically offer to wash the dishes, wipe down the stove and massage my tired teacher feet. Well, not so fast, as Hilary Clinton recently said to the GOP candidates running for reelection. Not one ounce of this midday delusion came to fruition. Apparently, a doofus, that would be me, neglected to take her house keys to work today. So when she came home today, she was locked out of her own home. I know that you are in disbelief---how could doofus girl forget her house keys? To convince yourself that no human being with even the faintest pulse can be so dumb, you ask yourself...
How could doofus girl forget her house keys when she needs them to lock her doors?
Well, no house keys needed if doofus girl leaves through the garage.
Why aren't her house keys on the same key ring as her car keys?
Because when doofus girl was leaving the house, she only grabbed the keys to her father's 11 year station wagon borrowed the previous night due to her own car being in the shop.
How did doofus girl get into the her house?
By confessing her mortal dumbness to her neighbor who took pity on her and allowed her to dial her mama who had just sat down to an evening of Chinese t.v. right before her dumb-ass daughter called.
What happened to the roasted chicken?
Nothing. Roasted chicken has been bumped to Thursday night. Doofus girl and her occasionally sympathetic hubby dined on Pei Wei noodle tonight.
Yes, I said hubs is occasionally sympathetic. This incident did not pass without much spousal ridicule.
First thing that comes out of hubs' mouth when he walks into the house:
"Fifi (our greyhound dog), did you know that Mama's I.Q. is lower than yours?!" Fifi licks him with delight.
"Come on, Doofy (referring to me), I'll take you out for dinner. Don't worry about the damn chicken."
and my favorite...
"It's hard to believe you would forget your keys, given your watermelon head."
2 comments:
Well hey, at least he took you out to dinner! My DH probaby still would have expected the chicken!
Welcome to the family.. Portugal has gained one more citizen.
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